Don’t Grieve Alone
By Cheyenne Dorsagno
When faced with the loss of a loved one, consider tapping in to a local community. Two of Oneida County’s support groups are at St. Margaret’s in New Hartford and The Good News Center in Utica.
Both have similar principles that guide their service.

Judith Reilly Source: stmargaretshouseny.org
Judy Reilly, Executive Director of St. Margaret’s. foremost warned, “It’s not counseling,” St. Margaret’s peer-led group helps us learn to live once our loved one is no longer physically present.
This Group is an intermediate tool. It offers a casual space to normalize a difficult conversation, like a Death Cafe. But it also offers an empowering space for healing, like individual therapy.
Both Groups maintain an intimate dynamic. They started with a few participants, and now, they get up to a dozen community members per meeting.
Don’t Feel Pressed to be Happy
“Grief is very circular. We don’t use terms like closure,” said a longstanding member of St. Margaret’s, William Ball.

Dr. Shawn Hast Source: thegoodnewscenter.org
“We never say move on. We always say move forward,” said The Good News Center’s Facilitator, Dr. Shawn Hast. She began as a member after her husband passed due to a pedestrian car accident.
The Groups are free to help the most people have a more positive relationship with their grief.
The Public Shapes These Groups
The Public has shown that grief support is vital. St. Margaret’s started by hosting their Group seasonally, but now it’s offered year-round. The Good News Center hosts two back-to-back meetings every two weeks.
Both Groups begin a meeting with introductions. Each participant says who they are and who they’re there remembering.
Some meetings may have more guidance and education in response to attendants’ questions. Topics have included navigating grief during holidays, loneliness, or guilt.
But still, there’s always open discussion. A topic might naturally emerge.
“l go with whatever the need is of the group,” said Dr. Hast. “We laugh together; we cry together.”
Participation Optional
If you go to a meeting, then you don’t even have to talk.
“Come how you need to, and be who you need to be for that hour and a half,” said Dave Roberts, St. Margaret’s Facilitator. He felt inspired to volunteer after first attending the Group in memory of his daughter.
Judy also attended a support group five months after her dad passed. “Just being there was a whole lot,” she said. Others may seek support even a few days after a loved one dies.
Someone may find that they only need to attend a Support Group once. Others may never “graduate”. Dr. Hast has seen that most people frequent the Group for three years before independently going forward with their grief.
“Some people are never ready to go to a support group. It’s not their thing, maybe,” said Judy.
Know thyself, and do what you think will be best for you.
“Go where you grow,” said Dr. Hast.
Grieve in Your Own Way
“There is no right way or wrong way to do grief,” said Dr. Hast.
She spoke from personal experience.
“I needed someone to tell me what was normal … We don’t talk about grief in our society,” she said. “We’re a society where everything has to feel good … [but] we need to feel that grief.”
How can you process it? Maybe by keeping traditions you shared with your special someone. Continuing to hang pictures of them on your walls. Volunteering time or donating money in their memory.
“A lot of people still talk to their loved ones,” said Dr. Hast.
Your Relationships Never End
Processing pain is important, but you can still celebrate.
Don’t let one’s death eclipse the life lived.
You can still have the relationship in your own way. You can meditate, tell stories about your loved one, or visit their grave.
“The love always continues, so the relationship continues,” said Dr. Hast.
Religious Organizations Host These Groups
St. Margaret’s was named after the founding sisters. “The sisters were always connected to the community,” said Judy.
The Good News Center was founded over thirty years ago by Christian Deacon John Droz and his wife Elizabeth.
Of course, Judy reassured, “All are welcome, regardless of their faith.”
Remember to Give Yourself Love Too
It can feel like a chore sometimes, but it’s important to take care of yourself.
Go out, if you’re up to it. Appreciate the people still here. “Don’t let what you want rob you of what you have,” said Dr. Hast.
Peers might act distant, feeling like they don’t know how to help you nor if you want attention at all. But you can take control of your grief. Be forthright and specific about your needs.
“We have to be proactive,” said Dr. Hast.
Take one little step at a time. And you don’t always have to face grief head on.
“If you get up in the morning and decide you can’t do what you planned, then that’s fine,” she said Dr. Hast.
Dr. Hast emphasized that it’s a process. Get help in understanding how grief is affecting you emotionally and physically. Don’t deal with it alone.
About Cheyenne Dorsagno

Cheyenne Dorsagno
Cheyenne Dorsagno is an Italian-American born and raised in underdog Utica, NY. She studied English at SUNY Oneonta with a minor in Professional Writing and an Editor-in-Chief role at the newspaper. Currently, Cheyenne strives to make our big world a little smaller by introducing locals to their neighbors via human-interest pieces shared on her blog, Our Neighborhood. She’s pursuing creative writing in her free time and various freelance writing in her professional time, such as by copy-writing.
Cheyenne Dorsagno
Contributing Author
Cheyenne Dorsagno is a wonderfully talented writer and contributing author on Mohawk Valley Today. Cheyenne highlights artists and creatives along with culture and trends that are happening throughout the Mohawk Valley. She brings her positive energy to everything she does.